The ‘ween that wasn’t

So, Halloween is Justin’s favorite. (He calls it a holiday, but is that correct? I’m not so sure. A holiday is a day off to me, but, I digress.) Unfortuately, he has his last “Little Shop” show tonight and he won’t get to join in the festivities.

As for me, this is the last day of the month, my busiest day in any given month. More than likely I’ll be at the office late tonight although I’ve bought some Halloween candy just in case I’m able to get out of here by six.

There it is, folks. No real celebration (of this holiday?) for us. I hope you enjoy yours.

Happy Halloween!

P.S.: I have a black & white photo of Justin and I that a friend snapped a few Halloweens ago. Justin is wearing a mummy costume. It really is a good picture and if I can remember, I’ll try to scan it and put it up here on the blog for you guys to see.

Joke off Monday 17

At Shady Pines, an elderly woman is up late watching the movie “Superman”. After the movie is finally over, she becomes inspired by what she has seen.

She grabs her bedsheet, fashions it into a cape and ties it around her neck. She then runs out into the hallway and proceeds to yell “Super Pussy!” “Super Pussy!” Over and over again.

Then she barges into one of the resident’s rooms. There is an elderly gentleman sleeping in his bed. She yells “Super Pussy” to him and he immediately wakes up. He rubs his eyes and asks her, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Once again she exclaims, “Super Pussy!”

He looks at her very closely and shakes his head. Then he says, “Given the two choices, I guess I’ll take the soup, lady.”

Have a great week.

Ebony & Ivory

At work our office manager, who is black, is going to an EEOC mediation for discrimination charges that have been filed against her by a white ex-employee on Monday. The charges are completely bogus and Pam, the manager, asked me to write a letter on her behalf.

This is my “rough draft”: (Stick around for the punchline.)

To Whom It May Concern:

I was an employee of Exxxxx Txxxx & Exxxxx from December of 1999 to October 6, 2006. In that time I had daily interaction with Pamela Wxxxx as an employee and later in her position as Office Manager. At no time has Pamela been anything but respectful and courteous in her dealings with me. I have never at any time felt that I was discriminated against because of my race. It has been a pleasure to work with Pamela as I consider her to be a consummate professional.

Pamela has always treated me just like I am black. She has never called me a “honkey” or a “cracker” in all the years I’ve known her.

To my knowledge she has never spoke badly about any white folks, except for George Bush. But that’s understandable because everyone hates his stupid-ass, anyway.

Sincerely,

Brad Fxxxxx

When I handed the letter to Pam for her to proofread, she laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes.

With all of the stress at work lately, we all needed a good laugh…

Memphis manatee rescue, day two

All updates are courtesy of WMC-TV, Channel 5, Memphis:

Rescue update:
(7:05 AM) The search for the Memphis manatee is scheduled to resume shortly. Search crews will use will use “side-scan” sonar on one of the boats today to search for the manatee. Crews will concentrate on Wolf River Harbor and the Mississippi River, from Mud Island to President’s Island. Currently the plan is to search until 3:00pm.

I’ll keep you posted again today on the manatee rescue. When manatee news breaks out, I’ll break in…

Rescue update:
(8:43am) A Memphis Police Department helicopter equipped with a FLIR camera, which can sense body heat, is currently participating in the search. Weather conditions are worse this morning than they were yesterday, with a steady mist falling in the harbor. The Sea World team has not yet launched their vessel.

They’ve got the boys in blue out looking for the little fella now. Maybe we can get some results…

Rescue Update:
(10:15 am) Sea World crews have taken a break from searching. They have left the dock and are visiting the Mud Island River Park. Meanwhile, there is a report that the manatee may have been spotted in the Wolf River last night. MPD Harbor patrol has a boat looking there now.

Rescue Update:
(11:25 am) The sun is out! Chopper 5 is up! The search continues for the Memphis Manatee.

With the sun out, surely these folks have a better chance of spotting Manny…

Rescue Update:
(1:42pm) BREAKING NEWS: As officials were announcing that they had concluded their search for the Memphis manatee, word came that it may have been spotted by the Coast Guard in the Wolf River inlet, just south of DeWitt Spain Airport.

Rescue Update:
(1:50pm) Officials have confirmed that an alleged sighting of the manatee early this afternoon was a false alarm. Word of the sighting came during a press conference while officials were annnouncing were giving up the “intense hunt” for the manatee.

Rescue Update:
(2:15pm) Officials are calling off their “intense hunt” for the manatee in Wolf River Harbor. Search crews believe that the manatee is no longer in Wolf River Harbor, and that it may have migrated south. While local authorities will continue to patrol the harbor for the animal, crews from Sea World and the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife are leaving the scene.

Photo by Steven Trainoff, Ph.D.

Iced tea party

A meme from Tony:

You Are Boston

Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots. Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best. And quite frankly, you think you are the best. Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O’Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block

What American City Are You?

Okay folks, if you know me, then you know that this is complete and utter bullshit. Me? Boston? Educated? Snob? Puh-leaaase!

Thanks, Tony. I did get a laugh from this!

Memphis manatee rescue

From wmctv.com (Channel 5, Memphis):

Thursday morning update:

Sea World officials have been back and forth in the Wolf River Harbor and have still not located the manatee they came to rescue. It’s impossible to say, at this time, what this might mean. Although, one rescuer did tell our reporter on the scene that this sometimes happens, that the manatees “hide” and that it sometimes takes hours.

This lonely, wayward manatee is on everyone’s mind here in Memphis. We all want the sweet creature to make it home, safe and sound.

Rescue update:
(1:35PM) The search for the manatee has resumed. A sonar is being used in one of the boats to search for the animal this afternoon. There is a theory among rescuers that the water level has gone up in the harbor due to recent rain, and that the manatee may be lost or hiding. Officials have said if they cannot find the manatee in Wolf River Harbor, they will look elsewhere, possibly in McKellar Lake, which may have attracted the animal due to its warmer water temperatures.

Rescue update:
(3:35 PM) The search for the manatee continues. After reviewing video of the animal that was shot Wednesday, an official with the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife said she is confident the manatee could survive a few more days.

This makes me feel better. I was worrying that the rescue efforts may have been too late. Stay tuned. I’ll keep updating as I read more…

Rescue update:
(4:32 PM) Rescuers have called off the search for the day, without having located the manatee. They will begin looking again tomorrow.

Talk about a cliffhanger. Tune in tomorrow at the same place for all of your Memphis Manatee Madness…

Mean ducks and manatees

Okay, Spider. So you say that your Peabody ducks in Orlando can spank the butts of our Original Peabody Ducks in Memphis.

What you gonna do now? I’ve got your manatee right here in Memphis!

Come get him!

Author’s note: Although I’m having a little fun with Spider, I really am worried about the poor manatee. Read this.

Joke off Monday 16

Okay, now I know that not all of these apply to every gay man. But, I had to laugh out loud at a few of these, and I suspect you will too.

You might be gay if…

1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
9. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.
10. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home and on your computer.
11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men’s locker room.
12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don’t, you know how to fake it.
15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
16. Your pets always have great names.
17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.
18. You’re the only guy who gets to do the “Cosmo” quizzes.
19. You know how to get a waiter’s attention.
20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
22. You are, hands down, your nephew’s and nieces’ favorite uncle.
23. You get to choose your family.
24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
25. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.
26. You wouldn’t be caught dead in Hooters.
27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
28. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.
29. You’ve always got an opinion, and don’t mind sharing it.
30. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
31. You know how to “air kiss”.
32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having… and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you’ve been for two weeks.
33. You know how to dress strategically.
34. You know when to move out and move on.
35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
36. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.
37. You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t necessarily an insult.
38. You wouldn’t buy someone a mug for their birthday.
39. You know which wine to bring.
40. Sales clerks don’t mess with you.
41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
43. You’ve just about defeated the accent you were born with.
44. You know the way to a man’s heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity
47. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
48. You have the latest International Male catalog.
49. You wouldn’t dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.

I hope you all have a great week.

Unexcused absence

Gosh, when you don’t post for a while, things get cluttered here on the porch. A few ideas piled up in a chair, a whimsical story or two casually tossed on the cold concrete, over there is a Joke off Monday that never got the opportunity to make you laugh.

Work has been an all consuming bitch. My typical day is spent constantly answering questions and solving problems and working hard to train a couple of people. I then rush home to cook dinner before bed, only to start all over again the next morning.

I may not be commenting as much at your blogs, but I am reading them. I’m nosy that way. I’ve got to keep up with your world. I’ve been missing some of you that I chat with on a regular basis, too. Certainly things must change? I hope so. But, there are more plans at work. We will be opening a branch in Houston soon. I’m afraid that I will continue to be a bit off kilter and out of touch with you. (If I have to go to Houston, I’ll by-God take my laptop, though! Maybe I could catch up in the hotel room.)

I know some have discontinued their blogs lately because they don’t have time for posts. Although that is a fine and reasonable decision, I will not do that. If you look at a blog as a type of personal journal, the absences mean as much as the posts. It simply shows that the author has a lot going on. I’ll be back and when I am, it’ll be business as usual, folks. Until then, remember, I’m visiting you.

Now it’s time for a bloody mary. One must have priorities, you know. I hope you’re all having a super weekend. Mine is too short…

Justin’s got soul!

I know I’ve been away, and I’m still exceptionally busy, but I just had to share this with you.

This is the review of “Little Shop of Horrors” in today’s Commercial Appeal (Memphis’ major newspaper) The part pertaining to Justin’s performance is in bold:

-Begin Article-
‘Little Shop of Horrors’ offers theatrical tidbits that are easy to digest
By Christopher Blank

October 20, 2006

Sometimes you go to the theater to be enlightened. And sometimes you just want a bunch of candy for the eyes and ears.
Theater Memphis’ latest production — in time for Halloween — is a delicious bag of goodies with some wickedness thrown in for giggles.

Trick and treat.

The frightfully entertaining “Little Shop of Horrors,” which premiered last Friday, hits the stage with the exuberance of a 7-year-old hopped up on Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Pixy Stix.

The community theater’s staging of the 1982 off-Broadway musical is, like last season’s production of “Cats,” a well-produced and detailed show mimicking the original design.

Technical excellence is combined with the cast’s A+ sense of camp and enough stage fog to choke a Londoner. Director Cecelia Wingate knows her material well.
The first major collaboration between creators Howard Ashman and Alan Menken (they’d later write Disney’s “Aladdin,” “The Little Mermaid” and “Beauty and the Beast”) remains their wittiest and most adult-themed work.

Inspired by Roger Corman’s 1960 cult film “The Little Shop of Horrors,” the musical begins with the B-movie premise that during a solar eclipse, a “strange and interesting plant” suddenly appears in the vicinity of Seymour Krelborn — a klutzy assistant in a Skid Row flower shop.

He adopts the orphaned Venus Fly Trap and uses it to bring notoriety to the shop run by his unsavory boss, Mr. Mushnik.

But the plant has an unusual diet. It needs blood. Human blood.
As the plant grows — through a series of increasingly larger puppets operated by Stephen Tate and Alison Vanelli — so does its appetite. When it finally opens its trap to speak, its first words are “Feed me.”

One likely candidate to become plant food is Orin, the abusive, motorcycle-riding boyfriend of Seymour’s love interest, Audrey. As a bonus, the guy’s a dentist. With a very dull drill. He deserves it.
That’s the gist of Act One.

The cast pulls off most of the show’s necessary gimmicks with some surprises thrown in.

Three chorus members who play Skid Row street-urchins, Thymia “LaShay” Rogers (Crystal), Ashley Wieronski (Chiffon) and Mandy Lane (Ronnette), convincingly sing the early ’60s doo-wop and Motown style of music written for the show.

Marques W. Brown’s geeky, guilt-ridden Seymour is the childlike center of the play, while Greg Krosnes as the froggy Mushnik gets laughs for his villainy.

Though just 16, Miriam Rodriguez shows mature comic timing in the role of Audrey. Her deadpan sweetness in the song “Somewhere That’s Green” — a tune about moving to the suburbs — only made the delivery funnier.

Kent M. Fleshmen is a force to be reckoned with in the role of the sadistic dentist. No stranger to camp, Fleshman won an Ostrander a few years back for his work in Circuit’s “Zombie Prom” and was equally amusing in Playhouse’s “Bat Boy.”
For this role, he is equal parts Elvis impersonator and Rydell High T-Bird running on a full tank of high-octane silliness.

One of the show’s biggest surprises is the voice of the plant, Audrey II. Traditionally, the role goes to a person of color — someone trained, or at least convincing, in the idiom of ’60s R&B. In the 1986 film adaptation, for example, it was voiced by Levi Stubbs of The Four Tops.

Justin A. may not be black, but he sounds remarkably like Little Richard. The plant has soul to spare.

So does music director Angelo Rapan’s small band, playing to big effect in the pit.

With a lot of sugar and a lot of soul, Theatre Memphis’ “Little Shop of Horrors” is a rare treat for the PG-13 set: a taste of the old Halloween spirit without all the excess calories.
-End Article-

So, there you have it folks. The reviewer thinks Justin is fabulous and doesn’t even know him. I’ve suspected this all along…